Fixed at Zero
by TheBraden
Summary: Darcy's back from her trip around the world, but her new man from Hawaii makes her return difficult with him around. Her sister Clare's glad she's back, but their Dad's girlfriend Irene isn't so friendly. Meanwhile, Chantay deals with loneliness, Jenna makes big mistakes, & Emma loses control... on purpose. With Connor being dragged along. Warning: Mature themes used.
1. Chapter 1 Darcy, Part 1

Chapter One – Darcy

Marcus is pushing my bags as we make our way towards to the exit of the Toronto International Airport. Not far up ahead, I see Clare! Clare begins to walk towards me, and soon so does Mom, but Dad just stays put, with balloons it appears. I'm so not ready for this.

"Clare!" I scream.

"Oh my gosh, Darcy, I have missed you so much! I have so much to tell you!" she replies.

I drop my green and black Point Zero bag and us sisters, we hug it out! I really can't believe I am back here. It's almost like, forgive me, this isn't really my home anymore.

Mom lightly shoves Clare off and says, "Let me get a chance to hug Darce! Honey, I'm so glad you are back!" I already can sense her eyes rolling over to Marcus as she holds me. "This is?" she asks.

"Marcus!" he tells my mom, "Darcy and I became good friends in Hawaii. She asked me to come visit!"

Mom surprisingly didn't question me like crazy like she normally would. In fact, Mom seems a lot happier. I suppose it could just be because I'm back. Oh, that kind of sounded conceited.

"Hey, super star. Welcome home," I hear Dad gulp.

"Hey, Dad," I say.

"Really, Randall? Balloons were all you could pick up for our daughter who has been gone for years all over the world?" my mom queried.

"Mom," Clare begs.

"Fine," Dad concedes, "Just remember it was your idea to send her onwards to a 'great opportunity'. Then she goes wondering off to anywhere she pleases and we're paying for it. She brings home _this_!"

Marcus is already uncomfortable, I can tell. It hasn't even been five minutes.

"Its fine, guys. I'm here now," I remind them.

I found out about the divorce right away, but I haven't really... experienced it. Maybe it won't even bother me?

"Listen, superstar, I've got to jet, but you and Clare are still coming over for supper tomorrow, right?" Dad questions me, but really, he is testing Mom's justness.

"Of course," Clare lets Dad know.

"Great. Bye, girls," Dad says, "Helen."

So awkward.

"Let's take you home and introduce you to the boys, huh?" Mom suggests.

"Yeah, sounds smashing," I admit.

I'm honestly excited to meet my new family.

Mom pulls one of my suitcases, to show she is warming up to Marcus, who looks pretty sweaty from the lifting he has been doing.

"Sorry about that," Clare apologizes to Marcus and I.

"Clare, please," I reassure her.

"I know what it's like," Marcus adds, "My parents are split too."

"You never told me that," I tell him.

He responds with, "You never asked!"

I grunt, and begin to walk. Clare is obviously laughing to herself.

I get into Mom's car and in it is a brand new iPhone!

"Mom! This isn't for me, is it?" I shout.

"No, it's not," she laughs.

"Oh," I say, honestly disappointed. My other –very outdated, too– cell phone was stolen in France when I was pick-pocketed. That sucked ass.

"Kidding!" Clare and my Mom joke.

"I hate you guys," I exaggerate, "This is so cool! Thanks!"

Clare taps my shoulder from the back seat, "It's already activated with all of your friends' numbers that I went on a scavenger hunt to find," she informs me.

I missed Clare so much. "Thanks again," I repeat.

"No problem, really," she insists.

I slide the lock screen and I honestly begin to smile at how excited I am to be back in Canada. I check through the contacts. Spin, Emma, Sav, Chantay, Peter... Oh, yeah. Peter. I'm always so busy that I barely think about that boy. I don't know if I should catch up with him. The first Skype session Clare and I had, she told me about Peter and Mia. That is, until he had a drug problem. I never ever would have believed he would be one to do meth. Back in my junior year, after the incident, he lied that he had smoked crack just so he could be there for me when my parents forced me into a work camp. He was so supportive...

Before I knew it, we were home. Mom said she would save all the questions for dinner.

We walked into the house, and Marcus wanted to hold hands, but I push him arm away and whisper in his ear, "We are just friends here, okay? It took me a lot of time to trust you. Don't blow this."

"What is it with you and trust, Darcy?" he lisped back.

"Nothing," I mumble.

"Darcy," my mom sings, "Come and meet Glen and Jake."

There I see an honestly, very attractive man, and standing next to him, a younger, also very attractive, boy who is dressed in plaid.

"I'm Glen," says the older one, "I'm very glad we have finally met." He shakes his firm hand with mine.

"Uh, yeah, it's awesome," I reply. I look towards the younger one and say, "You must be Jake."

"That's me," he confirms, and he shakes my hand also.

Clare is just staring googly-eyed at Jake and I guess they must have a pretty strong friendship. She was probably really lonely when I was gone. Jake was there for her. I really did miss a lot...

Supper was fried chicken and sweet potato fries. Jake was downing the chicken. It almost freaked me out how much he ate. Seemed like he had a bottomless pit in his stomach!

I was asked the typical questions that were asked after someone is back from a vacation, but there was like five times as more, since I went to Kenya, first, then to Hawaii, France, Italy, England, and Germany. I ranted about the things I loved and hated the most, and soon I just had to beg myself to be excused because I was so exhausted from the long flights to get home. Marcus too.

"Jake, I think you can take the couch tonight. Darcy is going to sleep in her old room while Marc here will sleep in your bed. It _was_ originally the guest room," Glen orders.

Jake didn't seem too excited. "Sure," was all he said back.

I felt bad, so I stepped in, "Marcus can sleep in my room," I gestured.

"Well, that's kind of you, sweetheart, but where will you sleep?" Mom asked.

"In my room," I proposed.

Clare, I think, knew what was going on, but thankfully, Mom was just a bit confused, "Why?"

"We're just friends, Mom," I stated. She still looked nervous. "Marcus is gay," I lie.

"What?" Marcus remarked.

"Oh," Mom says, surprised.

Glen touches Mom's waist and helps me out, "Helen, I don't think it could hurt. Darcy is what, almost twenty?"

"Uh, y-yeah," I trill, "A couple months, haha!"

"I suppose so," Mom gives in.

"Cool," I chortled.

The six of us watched 'It's A Wonderful Life' and soon it was time to sleep. Marcus and I take our things from the car to my room, with Glen helping us.

Marcus and I fall back onto my bed, out of breath.

"What the hell was that?" Marcus scolded.

"Look, my mom wouldn't have liked it the other way," I explain.

"I could have slept in your step-brother's room."

"C'mon, Marcus," I went on, "He's just a teenage boy who wants to sleep in _his_ bed. Besides, we're together!"

"You're right," Marcus says, drooling over my cute night clothes I got at La Senza.

"Stop staring," I demand him, "I don't do that stuff, okay? I'm not that girl. I'm not."

"Why are you so uptight about sex? You said yourself that you don't even really care about your religion?" Marcus is pushing my buttons.

Marcus begins to float his hand over my breasts, and soon he is holding them, kissing my neck with his legs each beside my hips.

"Get off," I hiss, "Now!"

Marcus does so, but he is angry. "Why?" he says once again.

Might as well fucking tell the jerk.

"I don't feel like having sex because when I was seventeen, I went to a party with my friends," I begin, "I decided to let loose. To have one drink and that was all. So, I did, and I did the stupidest thing ever."

Marcus' eyes squinted as he guessed, "You were a light weight and made a fool of yourself?"

He's really ticking me off now. Why am I even telling him this? "No, Marcus. I left my drink unattended. I went to the washroom, and picked it up again, feeling quite happy, actually. Then I kept drinking. The next day, I woke up naked with my boyfriend, clueless. I thought we just had mistakenly had sex. It only took the next day after that to realize that my gift from God was stolen from a complete stranger."

Marcus seems to be concerned but he still has no idea what I am going on about.

"You fucking retard. I was raped. I was drugged by some pervert, undressed, and raped. I didn't want to believe it but it happened. I was so disturbed by what the sicko had done, I tried to kill myself. Are you listening? I tried to _kill_ myself."

Marcus grabs my arm but I pull away, "I had no idea."

"Yeah, well, no one knows, do they? No one knows my story but then I tell them and I seem like a total psycho," I pour out. I'm not going to act how I did at Degrassi. Never again.

"I'm sorry, Darcy, but I cannot deal with this," Marcus tells me.

This bastard!

"Are you kidding me?" I ask.

"No," he responds, "You can't just surmise something like that with no proof that you were for sure raped."

"No," I objected, "You're being unreasonable about my feelings, Marcus. About my past."

"It's too bad," Marcus whines, "I was excited to see you in this outfit ever since I bought you it in Florence but really, I don't want to be here anymore. I feel uncomfortable and you are hiding our relationship, which doesn't even feel like one, by the way. I'm going. I only brought one bag, and I have money to get home back to Hawaii. Bye."

"You're always scared, you coward," I tell him, as he walks into the hallway.

I just told him my darkest secret. I just told him and he left, just like that.

What a prick! I am so done with guys! God!

I mean, gosh.

Fuck it. I'm not so sure about this anymore. I can't follow "Him" anymore. After what happened to me, I don't know if I can be so sure it's a part of this "plan" that will work out in the end. I can't. I'm so sorry.

I just need to sleep.

I awaken to laughter from downstairs, and I turn over to my other side, expecting Marcus, almost as if I had completely forgotten that he left me. He left me to wonder what is wrong with me.

As I approach the kitchen table I see Clare and Jake fighting over the last waffle or piece of French toast. I glance over to the living room and I see Mom and Glen kissing while watching a rerun of the Ellen Show. It's all such an enlightening environment. I love it so much. Yet, I still feel so awful. I am trying so hard to smile right now, but my jaw is tightening. I feel so broken.

"Hey, Darce," Jake greets me, "Where's Marcus?"

I can't take it!

"Oh. Oh... I uh, I'm sorry?" Jake apologizes as his smile fades.

Did I seriously just start crying first thing in the morning?

"I'm fine," I try to convince them, covering my face flushed with tears.

"No, you aren't," Clare points out, "What's going on?"

"Marcus ditched," I tell the crowd.

"Oh, no!" Mom gasped.

"Why on Earth would he just leave in the middle of the night?" Glen questions.

"I'm not too sure," I hide.

"Well, I'm sure it had to have been an awfully good reason to do it without notifying you, sweetie," Mom tries to cheer me up.

"Do you drink coffee, Darcy?" Jake asks me.

"Yeah," I reply, "I'll take it black."

"Really?" Jake doubted.

I couldn't help but already feel better. This kid's positivity is just so contagious. "Yes, doofus!"

"Oh, look, Helen, they are already enemies!" Glen joked.

"Haha, no," I say.

Mom steps in and seems to mention something subtle, "At least they aren't starting like Clare and him did!"

"What do you mean?" I wonder, but Mom pretends not to hear me, which I definitely remember being one her 'things' she does.

Clare walked up to me and shoots a proposal to me about heading to the Dot at noon with Sav's sister, Alli, before we get to Dad's and of course I agree!

We arrive after both of us are showered and Alli is already there, waiting at a table inside. I couldn't help but take notice of the stunning displays.

"Wow," I marveled, "So, _this_ is what the Dot looks like post-explosion? It's uh, groovy!"

Alli and Clare laugh as we seat ourselves. I suppose good things can come from accidents.


	2. Chapter 2 Darcy, Part 2

Chapter Two - Darcy, II

"Hey, Darcy! I just want to say thanks for lending me some of your old clothes when you left for Kenya way back when. You have such good tastes!" Alli compliments.

"Anytime, Alli," I say, "Actually, scratch that. I like my clothes now!"

The three of us giggle at my joke and that's when I notice Peter behind the counter. And Spinner!

"I'm going to go grab some pop. Do you guys want anything?" I ask.

"No, thanks. I'm good," Clare turns down.

Alli flashes her pearly whites and says, "I just had wings with my boyfriend before you guys came so I'm good too! Thanks, though."

"Alright," I say.

I swear Peter knew I was coming back already because he didn't exactly seem incredibly surprised as I would have imagined him to be. In fact, he hasn't even noticed me at all. Before I can grab his attention, I hear part of his conversation with Spin... About drugs?

"She pulled out fucking codeine like it was candy. I later find out that she _died_ and was revived by doctors a week later from her friend who came here to tell me that she was sorry. Fuck, just my luck, hey? Degrassi chicks are officially off limits for me, now."

Spinner is washing some dishes, "Smart decision, man."

Spinner takes notice of me first.

"Darcy Edwards! Do my eyes deceive me?" he yells.

"Hey, Spin!" I yell back as he runs to me around the counter and hugs me.

"This is crazy!" he shouts.

"I know!" I agree, "Peter! Hey."

"Darcy," he exchanges names. I thought he would be a little excited.

"Emma will be so stoked to hear from you," Spinner tells me.

"Really? You sure?"

"That's in the past, Darcy," Spinner assures me.

Peter is still avoiding eye contact.

"Alright, then! How about I meet you _married_ couple for lunch tomorrow?" I make plans with Spinner.

"Yeah, for sure! I won't be working then and Emma will be back from her camping trip with her family. Perfect," Spinner seems the relish the thought.

"Peter, you can say something," Spin adds.

"In private?" Peter coughs.

"Yeah, it's cool," I let Spinner know.

"Alright. Picking it back off where you left already, huh, lovebirds?" Spinner gags.

"Haha," Peter says sarcastically.

Spinner gets back to work, and I guide Peter to another table, but I notice Clare sitting alone. Alli must've left. I am still looking and that's when Clare exchanges glances and she taps at an imaginary watch. Time to head to Dad's.

"Peter," I stop him.

"What?"

"I have to head to my Dad's, but promise me, that you will call me tonight. Clare gave you my new number, I'm assuming?"

"Yeah," he says, "Of course."

"Thanks for waiting. Sorry. I'll talk to you tonight," I vow.

Clare and I leave and begin taking our stroll.

"Dad's new condo is not too far from here. Bet you are missing Queen Street, huh? We'll go shopping. You can go into Forever 21 while I check out some books in Chapters," Clare chuckles.

I still can't help but have this big goofy grin on my face that usually only Clare gets.

"Yeah," I agree, "You know, Clare, you've matured so greatly. You're beautiful."

"Thanks, Darce. You're beautiful, too. Like I said earlier, I have a lot to tell you! We barely got to talk last night with Mom's commentary on all of your wild stories," Clare mentions.

"About this guy, Eli? Last time we Skype'd you said that you two kissed!" I said, squealing.

"Yes," Clare had begun, "About that... He and I are doing a lot better..."

I clasped Clare's hand and held it tightly. I never want to lose Clare.

I already lost one of the most important things to me. My virginity, and I have even lost my parents. I guess I was expecting them to divorce anyway. I think I remember seeing my Dad kissing another woman at the movie theatre when I snuck out late on a school night to see Step Up with Chantay. I'm surprised Chantay kept her mouth shut. I tried so hard to repress that thought out of my mind, but now, I think it's safe to say I didn't do a great enough job. Then after my suicide attempts... They just couldn't handle being in the same room without arguing. I saw it coming but just didn't care at the time.

All I know for sure is that Mom and Dad are happy without each other. At least, I think Dad is.

Jake and Glen are awesome and I'm sure this Irene character is too, plus her two toddlers Dad mentioned on the phone when I was at Calgary's airport.

"You know, Clare," I say after she finishes her story, "I know we never really talked about what happened to me because you were really too young to fully understand. I want to talk about these things. I want to help you out with guys. I want to read your poems and stories. I want to just hang out like we are right now."

"I'm surprised we aren't fighting!" Clare exclaims.

"Haha! True, true. Back then, I just felt really mixed up. I still do, now," I admit.

"A person can be good and mixed up all at the same time," Clare lets me know.

And I really hope Clare is right.


	3. Chapter 3 Clare

Chapter 3 – Clare

Darcy and I walk inside Dad's condo and there she was. She's acting as if she is some sort of Queen.

"Oh, great! You two are here!" Dad exclaims.

"Joy!" Irene shouts, sarcastically.

Dad is completely oblivious to her rude remarks!

"Hey, Dad," Darcy says.

"Yeah. Hey," I add quietly.

"Irene, honey, this is Darcy," Dad says as he pushes Darcy forwards.

"It's super nice to meet you. I have already heard about you. My dad seems to be crazy for you, haha!" Darcy tells her.

Darcy can't seriously be _happy_ to meet her. Does she even know Dad cheated on Mom with her? Oh, and that she is a total cow?

Irene's two boys are tugging on my bunny hug and I just about lose it. I'm always in such a good mood until I come here. Why do I always let Dad talk me into coming? I'm such a pushover.

We seat ourselves at the dinner table and begin to eat. It's some sort of pasta. I hate it. I hate her.

"Wow, Irene, this is some pretty good food. How did it talk you to make it?" Darcy questions, only to be friendly, I'm assuming.

Irene rolls her eyes and answers, "Oh, about ten minutes. It's all pre-cooked and from the freezer, anyway. Don't expect me to make a meal."

"Of course not," I mutter.

"Shut up, Clare," says John, her seven year old.

"John, that was rude," Dad sticks up for me.

"He's just a kid. He'll say what he pleases," Irene commented.

Darcy can tell I don't want to be here.

"You treat me like a kid, Irene," I sneer, "So; I'll just say what I please. You're a bitch."

"Clare!" Dad and Darcy holler as I stomp my way to the washroom.

I can hear Irene speak behind me, "I can talk to her."

I try to run faster but she catches up and grabs my wrist at the end of the hallway, away from our family.

"Let go!"

I try to get away but her grip tightens and she holds my neck with her opposite arm while slapping that hand onto my mouth.

"Listen to me, you selfish brat," she spits in my ear, "I work hard every day and never get any credit, not even from your dad, who is too lazy to go to bed with me. So, shut your princess mouth. I've had enough shit from you. The day I met you I knew you were going to be trouble."

Then Irene pushed me into the corner and she strikes me across the face!

"Go back and be nice. Okay?"

I can't believe her! This is it!

I wait until Irene is seated, and I can hear her lying to my dad's face that I am being dramatic and calling her names! I storm into the kitchen and shout, "She just hit me!"

"Clare, we just talked about the lies..." Irene claims.

"D-dad," I stammer, "You know you have to believe me. I'm your daughter! She just slapped me across the face!"

Darcy has no idea what to say.

Dad stands up and reaches out to me, "I know having new family is difficult, Clare, but making up things like _this_ will not make it easier."

"There's something wrong with her, Randall. I tell you. Clare needs to get some help or some shit," Irene dictates.

"Please, just don't swear, Irene," Dad tells her. He looks at me, "Clare, you have been acting out. I'm going to talk to your mom."

"No," I disagree, "Darcy, drive me home."

Darcy scratches her head and then speaks, "Yeah, Clare. Let's get out of here. Bye, Dad."

Irene's other kid, Michael, picks some peas of his plate and tosses them at me. "Eat that!" he shrieks.

"You don't have to leave, Darce," Dad tells her.

"No, really. I feel like we should. Sorry," Darcy replies.

I push Dad off of me and grab my backpack, leading a trail for Darcy to follow.

We make it to the car and I let it all out.

"How dare he pick her over me? I'm his daughter! He's seen the way she treats me for the past two weeks! I never liked her. She did hit me, Darcy! Look at my face!" I ramble.

Darcy takes a gander and says with a rasp in her voice, "It is kind of red."

"You weren't here to see her before. Please believe me," I beg Darcy.

"She didn't seem that kind," Darcy says. I hope she isn't agreeing out of pity.

"Let's leave," I suggest.

"I know you want to," Darcy responds.

"No, I mean, _really_ leave," I restate.

"Like, town?"

I nod my head.

Darcy begins to laugh.

"I'm serious! I'm so sick of Toronto. I'm so sick of Dad and Irene and her evil kids. I'm so sick of being sick of things. Take me anywhere..." I insist.

"Just lay back and sleep," Darcy says.

I do. I actually fall into a brief slumber, and then I wake up and we are definitely **not** out of Toronto.

It's Eli's house.

"What are we doing here?" I ask Darcy.

"You need to see someone you aren't sick of seeing," Darcy tells me.

"I don't think now is the best time," I counter.

Darcy sighs, and leans over to my door and opens it.

"How did you know where he lived?" I asked her.

"I may have taken your phone, got his number, asked for his address, and searched for it on Google Maps," Darcy chuckles.

"Stalker," I joke.

"Whatever," Darcy says, "Head inside. Talk to your boyfriend."

I step onto the pavement and shut the door. As I walk to Eli's door, Darcy rolls the window down and yells, "Don't be long, though!"

I smile back and ring the door bell.

Eli answers, and Adam is in plain sight.

"Hey! What's up, girlie?" Eli smirks.

"Did you just call me, girlie?" I inquire his smug self.

"Yeah, I think I did," he smiles and waves at Adam to come to the door.

"Oh, hey. Come in!" Adam requests.

Eli looks over at him and says, "Just move in. Please."

Adam and I giggle and Eli steps back to let me in.

We are in the kitchen when Eli explains they were just about to watch 'Batman Begins'.

"A classic," Adam says, grasping the DVD case in his hands.

"The Dark Knight is better... I mean, what?" Eli bugs him.

"Adam, can you head downstairs and grab me a Jones from the mini fridge?" I question him.

"Dude, you have a mini fridge?" Adam stares at Eli.

Eli has his "curious" face on. "Uh, yeah, in the laundry room or whatever. Tons of pop."

Adam stops what he is doing and heads straight down.

Eli and I share a moment of even more laughs and he asks me what I thought he was going to ask, "Family drama?"

"She hit me," I confess.

Eli gives me a blank look.

"My dad didn't believe me. I left, furious," I go further into details.

"Clare," Eli says. Eli's voice talks like soft wind. The perfect winds that blow through your hair and make you feel so fresh. So calm. Eli wraps his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. His kisses are electrifying. His kisses make me feel charged. All this is the perfect combination of being low and high.

I hug my boyfriend back and hold back the tears. Holding them back usually burns my throat, for some reason, but I don't want Adam to come up to this.

"I have to go. Darcy told me not to be long, and I don't want to ruin yours and Adam's fun. Please just call me later?" I solicited.

"Absolutely, girl," Eli promises. At a moment like this, his pet names have got me loving every time I look at him even more.

We disband and kiss each other one finally time. With tongue, for the first time. Feeling his slip underneath mine while I fall hold his hand, had my leg bent upwards. I felt like there was a fire inside me burning for him, and his kisses, they're nothing but fuel for it.

"I will call," Eli reminds me.

"I can't find it!" Adam shouts from the top of the stairs.

"I'll help!" Eli tells Adam.

"Okay," I reply.

Eli walks me to the door and we have our last kiss before I leave.

I get into the car, and tell Darcy to go to Mom's. As we drive, I roll the window down, and lay on my arm watching the passing traffic. The sun feels so good on my skin.

I know we all ask this, but really, why is life so complicated? I would love to know.

I mean, I'm not asking for answers for everything. It's just that maybe a few could help me out and learn to respect everything. At times I feel like I deserve more and others I am scared I am taking everything for granted. I never really feel balanced.

This is just life, I guess.

When we get home, I find Jake watching 'Batman Begins' too, in his room.

He must've fallen asleep. I climb onto his bed and lay down, resting my head on his leg. Not out of affection, though. Those days are most definitely over. I'm just glad to have a brother.

Jake's going to look after me. Eli, Mom, Darcy, Glen, and yes, Dad too.

Oh, and I can't forget about Him.

I do appreciate things, God. I do, I promise. Sorry I swore.


	4. Chapter 4 Chantay, Part 1

Chapter 4 – Chantay

Text from Darcy's new number! She's officially back! Aaaah!

I am incredibly excited to see her again. I really need friends right now. TU is so, lame.

Holly J was never really a friend... Anya and I kind of drifted. Fiona was more of a person I knew, not exactly my BFF.

I suppose I have Jenna, who is two years younger, though.

She likes to party, though. We're going to the club and getting **smashed** tonight.

Anyway, Darcy's text reads: "Can't wait to see you at the Dot and catch up! 4:00 still, right?"

I text back: "You betcha!"

Aaaah!

Okay, time to update my blog!

I write about how I am meeting my old friend, and how ecstatic I am about it. This is on my personal blog, though. When I graduated, I gave up on the ol' Degrassi Grapevine. Man, those were the days. Anya and I interviewing people like Ashley Kerwin and such. Great days. It hasn't been like that lately. I feel lonely. I don't know anyone at university. I skipped one of my classes to make friends but no one wanted to associate with me. Sometimes I'm not quite sure what it is about me that makes people not want to talk to me.

By the time I finish typing up a storm, its 3:30. I might as well show up early.

I drive to the Dot and listen to Nicki Minaj on the way there. Love that bitch.

I'm headed inside and Darcy is already seated, flashing her gorgeous smile. I've always been jealous of her.

"Hey!" I greet her.

"Chantay!" Darcy says, gleefully.

"It's been so long," I tell her.

"Too long," she adds.

We begin to order some fries when Emma squints at us from across the shop, soon realizing who we were.

"Oh my God," Emma avowed loudly.

"Emma Nelson," Darcy acknowledged.

"Hey!" Emma replied.

The two hugged it out and I stood up and joined in, beaming with optimism.

Emma and Darcy finished laughing, and then Emma gave me some sort of a nervous smile. That 'why-are-you-talking-to-me' smile. What's that about?

"So, Emma, Darcy was just about to give me all the details about her long, hot vacation! Take a chair and listen!" I invite her.

"Sorry... I forget who you are... Please don't be mad!" Emma didn't remember me?

Darcy tried to help me out. "Emma, you know... Chantay."

Emma made it clear that I had only slipped her mind, but alas, it was clear that I was just some random to her. Darcy told us about her vacation, but I soon felt tired of hearing about it, quicker than I assumed I would, and I excused myself.

Emma seemed to be expressing remorse, "Are you sure? Look, I'm really sorry!"

"No, it's fine. I don't want to be a fly on the wall. I've gotta jet anyhow," I say, feeling unimportant noticing the shameful falseness and truth of that statement.

"Chantay," Darcy worried.

"Really, guys, it's cool!"

The two exchanged looks then back to me.

"I'll see you guys around," I rasped.

That was so stupid. I can't blame Emma for forgetting me, though. I wish I was more interesting.

I was verging upon my new apartment when Jenna texts me.

"So excited for tonight! My fake ID works like a charm, don't worry," she assures me.

I love walking. All of the stress in life just goes _poof_ when you simply step outside and admire the world. I just adore the birds and the sky. Watching the clouds is more than people would believe.

I reached home and sat on my couch, turning on the television, ignoring the fact that I'm due on rent pay and was planning on saving money. I ended up dozing off to a 'Weeds' marathon.

It was nine o'clock when I had awakened, and also pricked my ears to someone, probably Jenna, buzzing for me to unlock the building doors.

Bubbly Jenna waltzed right in with her ID, practically choking on her excitement.

"This is going to _so_ fun! I have to be home at around eleven, though. Alli will cover for me, but still, I don't want to be too late. Her mom hates me already. Oh my God, can I move in?" Jenna was rambling.

"Slow down," I express my surprised emotion, "I don't know. Can you help with rent?"

Jenna's smile faded right then and there. "Well..."

"I'm not sure it's going to work out then," I chuckle.

"Let's just go, already! I am so pumped," Jenna cheered.

I grab my keys and say, "Alright, alright. Shut off the TV for me? I have to grab my wallet."

"Yep!" Jenna ejaculated.

Normally, I would have told someone like Jenna to screw off right now, but Jenna is just so intimidating, in a good way. She's brave, too. Giving up a baby for adoption that she loved? That is so awe-inspiring. It makes me feel brave to that I left home to get a place on my own. I feel responsible. I feel happy. Well, I guess. Sometimes.

We approached the club, completely oblivious to lineup. Jenna and I flaunted our ways inside. The bodyguard didn't even question us for our ID's. Jenna does appear fairly old.

"I love this song!" Jenna shrieks, grabbing my arm.

"Let's go get some shots, girl," I suggested.

Jenna stuck her tongue out, charmingly.

The bartender served us up good. In about twenty minutes, we were done.

Jenna and I ran into the dance floor and found a pair of studs to grind with. Fuck, in that moment I was having so much fun. 'So Happy I Could Die' by Lady GaGa comes on, and I peered over at Jenna, who was also taking a peek at me. This was our song. Jenna told me one night that she usually listens to alternative bands like The Spill Canvas and such. Many of these bands I hadn't heard of before. Then I confessed that this song reminded me of us two. I played the track and we ended up getting hammered on wine. Oh, we classy.

Suddenly, Jenna runs to the bathrooms. Uh oh.

I follow her path and when I open the door, I can already hear her panting over the toilet seat.

"I'm going to hurl!" she screams.

"Let it out, honey," I hear a girl say.

I turn and see Bianca. "Hey, Bianca. Any chance you can leave?"

"Its fine, Chantay," Jenna claims.

"Chantay, hun, I'm here to have a good time. You are too. Just chill," Bianca laid on me.

"Don't be a cunt," I curse.

"Wow," Bianca says, "You take immaturity and patience to new extremes."

Bianca hops off the sink counter and leaves, while Jenna continues to blow chunks. I shudder and then open the stall, holding Jenna's blonde, thin hair back.

Oh, God. Hash tag: white girl wasted.

I check my cell and my eyes widen, "Shit. Jenna, its one a.m."

"That's pre... preposterous," Jenna slurs.

"No," I reply, "It's legit. I need to walk you home."

"Drive me," Jenna nags.

I laugh, and belch, "Bullshit."

Jenna and I are holding each other up making our way through the side exit. Stupendously, Jenna can walk on her own independence. She had about three more tower shooters than I did, and those things are killer.

That's when three shadowy figures rise from out of the dark in the alley. I feel weirded out but I keep the pace going. That's when the three men, it came within my view, cornered us. Jenna was too drunk to realize what was happening. I wrap both arms around her and tried to move faster, but it's so hard to do when you are smashed. Everything's a blur. You think you are moving, but you go nowhere. You try to talk, but all that comes out is nonsense. All that comes out in the night are eerie situations like this one.

"Jenna, move faster," I order her, but she just moans.

The men are closer, and I finally decide to speak to them, "Look, can you guys just mind your own business? We are just heading home and aren't up for chilling right now. Can you just, yeah, not?"

They don't stop. The men are now circling us.

I still have my bottle of Smirnoff that I bought from the counter, half empty. I would have never expected to try something like this, but this was fucking pretty damn appropriate, I think.

The boy in front speaks, "Hey, ladies. Don't wanna frighten you. We don't bite."

I don't speak, but I pinch Jenna's arm, and she gladfully pays attention to the danger we might be in.

"Cutie pie," the other man said to me, "It's disrespectful to ignore us."

I had to do this. This was fucking unnerving. This is just creepy.

"Alright, bitch, we can do this the hard way if you'd like," the man in front began, but he didn't finish.

I raised the bottle, spilling the liquid on Jenna and I, and smashed him in the head with it.

"Run, Jenna!"

Jenna and I booked it straight ahead and the two other men weren't sure what to do.

I looked behind me as I am running, and I see one of them investigating how bad the injury to the guy's head is, and the other is chasing after us. Fuck!

"Chantay! Your purse!" Jenna pants.

"Leave it! Run!" I authorized once again.

Jenna was getting ahead, but my legs were giving out. Shit, the booze is really kicking in. My legs started to have the sensation of being made of jello. Oh, God. I can't take this.

I winced, and fell down to my distress.

I don't think Jenna noticed for she keeps herself going.

I rotate to my side and take note of my scrapped knees. Fuck, I need to get up!

It's too late. He lands on my stomach and pins me down. I try to scream but all I can get out are tiny outbursts, barely loud enough to drive attention to what is going on. Traffic is loud and I'm so small. His large hand covers my mouth as he lifts my dress up and over my head. One hand was blocking my mouth, and the other is keeping my wrists together and defenceless above my head. This can't be happening!

"Shut up, bitch!" he yells, as he tries to hold my jerking body down.

The other guy that isn't hurt, hollers, "Need help, man?"

"Yeah, the little whore won't stop budging!"

"Here."

The bastard was soon naked and shortly, the two had me in nothing but my bra.

"Tonight, the pavement's your bed and you, you're my bitch," he says.

He lifts off his hand to guide his penis into me, and his 'pal' holds my arms down for him. God, help me! Someone help me! Please!

At this moment, I spit on the freak, soon regretting it.

"Stupid little bitch," he calls me.

That's when he begins to thrust inside me. I'm crying so hard! How do they have no sympathy? How can someone do this to me? Tell me!

"You're the b-bitch," I make an effort at shouting, but I fall short to causing a scene. I just make another wheezy wail.

That's when I feel my arms receive freedom, and just when I am about to club the bastard in the face, I get a massive blow to the head from the man behind me's boot.

And that was that.

I regain consciousness, and my first urge is fight. Time to defend myself.

There's no one to fight, though, when I open my sleepy eyes.

I take a look around me and there's no one in sight. All my clothes are back on.

Oh my God. I was raped. I was just raped.

Oh my God...

The tears begin to fall down my cheeks, and I'm frantically searching for my purse. It takes about ten minutes, but I discover it not too far from the club's side doors. Of course, they took my cash. No, wait, there's about 30 bucks, though. How generous. Another hopeless payment towards my bills. They cracked my iPhone screen too! Why did they have to be so cruel? They already raped me! Those people are messed in the head! The nerve! The twisted nerve!

I force myself to pull my broken attitude together, and I walk in a 24 hour pharmacy to get a morning after pill. God, he didn't use a condom. How the hell could he do that? How could he not use one, let alone _rape_ me?

I reach the cashier and he looks concerned.

"I'm in college. Sue me," I snap.

"What?" The man isn't responsive for a while.

I sigh, and he tells me what he really meant, "No, young lady. Your face! I was just worried about your face."

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

I stare into my reflection on the glass door near the exit. I had a swollen, bleeding lip and a black eye.

They roughed me up bad... I still can't process this. I can't even...

"It's fine," I tell the worker. He asks if I am sure but I just give him a twenty and grab the box.

I find my car, and drive home. I don't know what to think or say right now. How will I ever?

I check my cracked cell once again, not that I am going to respond.

I have a voicemail from my mom. She is hoping I will visit home. Also, she wants me to help Cousin Dave with his French. Ugh.

The next is from Jenna. It's about what just happened. I don't want to tell her. I don't want to tell anyone. This... I need to calm down. I need to be with myself for a bit.

I respond with, "Don't talk to me."

Harsh, yes, but I need the space.

Chantay, who are you now? I would normally be sobered up by now, watching 'Sex in the City' and blogging. That all seems stupid right now. Right now, I feel like cuddling up with some more vodka.

I feel distant from me.

Don't let me get me.


	5. Chapter 5 Jenna, Part 1

Chapter 5 – Jenna

All I can do is run. That's all I can do.

Tonight was so horrifying that I ran all the way to Alli's from the club. I'm outside her front door panting and I reach for my phone to text Alli and inform her that I am outside. I'm uncertain if I can text very well anyhow, considering how drunk I am right now, though. I threw up twice before I reached the Bhandari neighbourhood.

Alli texts me back telling me to stay put.

Slowly, the door creaks open and Alli whispers, "Be as light as a feather, Jenna."

I nod my head and tip toe along the tile and follow her upstairs. When we finally approach her room, I tripped on a box of her mom's knitting supplies. Alli hovers me into her room as her mom is coming down the hall. I try to get undressed out of my questionable outfit and slip into bed before Mrs. Bhandari checks in on me. As I am unbuttoning, I am reminded of what just happened an hour ago.

I didn't know what to do! The last thing I saw was the bastard slipping off his clothes and covering her mouth as she tried to scream. God, I hope she got away. She _had to_.

Suddenly, I hear a muffled conversation on the other side of the door.

"Alliah, open that door this instant," Alli's mom commands.

I can't quite make out Alli's response but I know she is trying to keep my drunken self hidden.

"No," I hear Alli's mom say.

That's when the door opens and I'm stumbling in my bra and underwear. Shit.

"Jenna, Alli, its two o'clock in the morning and I want to know why on Earth either of you were out past curfew?" she requests an answer.

Alli brushes her mom's arm and tries to stick up for me, "Jenna didn't mean to be late, Mom. She just fell asleep at a friend's."

"A boy's?"

I don't feel so good.

"N-no," I don't support, "I'm just... I went clubbing."

Alli's mom walks up to me and grabs my chin then fixes her eyes onto mine.

"You are drunk?" she asks me, "On a school night, let alone at all?"

"Mom, please, she's not!" Alli defends me, "Right, Jenna?" she says glaring.

"I'm drunk, Mrs. Bhandari," I admit, "Sorry."

"Well, 'sorry' isn't going to help. A drunken teenager who just gave up a baby for adoption? Despicable. Pack your things and find another place to live," she replies.

Alli flips, "No, Mom! This will be the last of it!"

"I'm sorry, Alli. You are doing so well now and I'm afraid Jenna is going to just drag you down," Alli's mom explains, "I'm sorry to you too, Jenna."

"Uhm," I hiccup, "I can at least stay tonight, right?"

Mrs. Bhandari shakes her head and I can tell she is being truly apologetic.

"Alli, I couldn't lie," I tell her.

"I respect that," Alli's mom assured, "Find somewhere safe to stay."

The door closes and Alli walks up to me, ready to sob.

"Where are you going to stay, Jenna?" Alli asks, wrapping her arms around me.

"I, well, I'm not sure," I noted.

"Are you heading to like, a homeless shelter or something? I'll sneak out and spend the night there with you, tonight!" Alli offers.

"That's sweet, Alli," I smile, "Don't worry, though. I have somewhere to s-stay."

"Are you sure?" Alli questions.

"Don't worry about it," I slur.

Alli helps me pack my things and I leave with yet another apology from Alli's mom but Mr. Bhandari seems the opposite of sorry.

I'm quite uncertain where to go from here.

I pull my pair of suitcases down the sidewalk and my attention returns to Chantay again. I have to call her. I take my cell out and dial her number, praying she'd be awake but all I reach is her voicemail. I sigh and decide to sit on a bench in a nearby park I enjoy. Alli and I usually take pictures there or do our homework watching all the cute little kids. Sometimes I think about how life would be in a few years if we had kept Tyson. I would probably be at this park with KC... well, not with KC... playing with Ty. That would probably be great. Too bad I stink at taking care of a child.

I'm finally catching a break for my feet and that's when I receive a text from Chantay that unfortunately read: "Don't talk to me."

What was I supposed to do? _She_ was the one I thought was going to get away anyhow. Oh, God.

I need to sleep.

I stick my feet upwards at the edge of the bench and slip my jacket under my head.

I'll tell Alli the story tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'll sort all this out.


	6. Chapter 6 Jenna, Part 2

Chapter 6 – Jenna, II

I wake up to birds chirping and a massive hangover.

I decide to just try and fall asleep again, until I realize it is a school day. Lame.

On my walk to school, I think about what I will explain to my brother. No. Kyle can't know. This is too big of a deal. He would tell Dad, who will freak on us both. Even if he hasn't seen us in forever...

Oh my God. I almost forgot! Clare and Jake!

Excited now, I try to get to Degrassi as quick as my hungover ass can!

I already see Clare and Jake getting out of Jake's shiny, red truck. Fast, Jenna! They're almost in the school!

"Jake! Clare!" I shout, scampering along the front doors.

"Jenna?" Clare responds.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I clear my throat, "Has school started yet? I can't be late for first again!"

"It's the end of lunch, Jenna," Clare giggles.

"What?" I can't believe it. "It's the afternoon?"

"Yes," Jake confirms.

"Jesus," I mumble.

I try to think but my head is pounding astoundingly hard, "I need a place to stay."

The two get serious and Clare wonders what happened at Alli's.

"No time to explain," I tell the step-siblings.

"Alright," Jake says, "I don't know... Clare? It's your house. I just moved in, so..."

Clare tries to get out of it by talking about my dad. Nice.

"Wouldn't he come get you?" Clare questions.

"Don't play the Dad card, Clare. Secondly, I don't want to move again! Besides," I let her know, "He's an ass."

"Jenna," Clare says disapproving my statement.

"It's true," I convince her.

Jake steps in, "Jenna, be realistic. If you don't call your family, who will you stay with? Our place isn't that big now that Darcy's moved back in."

"Oh," I reply. I didn't know that. I want to meet Darcy sometime.

"Look, I can just handle this on my own then," I articulate my determination strongly, "Get to class, now."

"Jenna," Clare groans again.

"Don't bother," I refuse help, and continue to stroll through the parking lot to the south entrance near my music class.

I am busting my butt down the hall when I see Alli.

"Alli!" I call after her.

Alli glances at me. She appears hesitant. That's when she walks away!

"Alli!" I repeat and I tap her shoulder when I catch up with her.

"What, Jenna?" Alli retorts.

"I... Alli, what's the problem? Are you pissed?" I observed.

"No," Alli verified, "I'm just not supposed to talk to you..."

"At all?"

"Never again," Alli confirms.

"Oh, cool," I sigh.

"My parents were infuriated last night, Jenna! I'm sorry!" Alli exclaims.

"Can't we at least sort this out? You're my best friend," I beg.

Alli hugs me and says with a hushed tone, "Not for a while. We're both late. Get to class, okay?"

I can't handle all of these constant disappointments.

"Sure," I mumble.

Alli runs to her class but I don't feel like being at school at all right now. I drag my feet into the girls' washroom and lock myself into a stall. I can already feel my throat getting sore and my eyes starting to sting. It usually happens when I cry. I am sobbing to myself and I am pretty sure I have the right to at the moment. I don't have a job or a friend's place to stay at. I'm terrified. I'm homeless.

"Holy fuck. Are you okay?"

Someone is in here?

"Yeah," I try to pull myself together, but completely, though. I like fishing for concern sometimes.

"I'm fine," I tell the girl.

"Right," the anonymous voice says sarcastically.

"I am, I swear," I blatantly snivelled.

"Okay! I believe you!"

I wipe the tears away and get up off my knees. I open the stall door and I see a younger girl, probably a freshman, with big, green eyes and hazelnut coloured hair in pigtails. She dresses kind of strange. It's kind of a crossover between a 'scene' kid and someone who just travelled into the future from the fifties.

"I'm Zora," the girl informs me.

"Jenna," I return.

We shake hands and she begins to converse.

"Is that a guitar? I think it's a guitar. Are you any good? I have high expectations." she interrogates me.

"Uh, yeah," I presented, lifting up my fanny of guitar picks that I collect from concerts. My favourite is Tim McGraw's but I lost it.

"Cool. So, I get that we're strangers and all that jazz, but I think it'd be best for your feelings and my entertainment that you tell me why you were just bawling," Zora recommends.

"I wasn't _bawling_," I tell her.

"Yeah, Hun. You were crying pretty hard, Jenny," Zora shrugged.

"Jenny?" I echo back.

Zora nods, "Totes. I don't like real names. It's fun to make up new ones or add a twist."

"Is Zora even _your _real name?" I kid.

"It's not," Zora lets me know.

"What is it then?" I quiz her.

Zora raises her index finger up to her lips and says, "Shush now."

"Well, my problem is that I'm kicked out, have no job or money, and I'm not allowed to talk to my best friend," I rant.

"You sound like me last year," Zora said, "Don't hold your breath for a saving grace. It just gets harder," she dashes my hopes.

"What'd you do?" I seek for advice.

"I got 'taken in'", she hints.

"What's that mean?"

"It means I found a place that I could live in for doing deeds for the owner," Zora explained.

"I'm... not following," I say, still flustered with the past twenty-four hours.

Zora finishes putting on her lip gloss, "Do you need a place to stay, Jenny?"

"Of course. Do you have one? You have no clue how much I'd appreciate it," I thank her.

"I know," Zora nods her head.

"I'll do whatever you want," I barter.

Zora smirks, "We'll see."


	7. Chapter 7 Jenna, Part 3

Chapter 7 – Jenna, III

Zora and I wait on the school's front steps.

"Our ride will be arriving shortly," Zora validates.

Zora was correct. A huge, gleaming white van pulled in front of the school's bus stop and I felt uncertain already.

"Don't be fooled by the appearance," Zora reassures me.

I question Zora, "Why is it parked all the way over there?"

"Do you think Officer Turner will be fine and dandy about seeing two students step into a pedo van?" Zora asks me.

"Uh, no," I reply, feeling stupid.

Zora is walking but I can't seem to get myself up to move an inch. Zora turns around and rests her hands on the back of her head.

"Why are your teeth chattering? You nervous, Jenny?" she tests my trust.

"I'm fine," I lie.

"Then let's walk."

I grab the handles of my suitcases and when we reach the van, a blonde, slightly obese woman helps me put my things in the back. When we finish, she shakes me hand like Zora did previously, and says with an ear to ear smile, "I'm Gloria!"

"Jenna," I tell Gloria, "Sorry, I don't want to be a pain."

"Jenna, chill! I explained your situation to Gloria–"

"Did you now?" I interrupt.

Zora frowned. "_And_ it's fine. Get in the car and let's head home," she scowls as Gloria pats her on the back.

"Oh, please, Zora," Gloria snorts, "Sweetie."

Home. I don't know if I've ever actually had a home in my life.

I rest my head back and crack my stressed neck. To my dismay, we are there before I know it. It isn't long before I realize this is the same building of condos that KC and his mom lived in before the moved to BC.

Gloria and Zora's place was on the top floor. The second last door at the end of the hallway. The last being maid service.

The wooden door opens and fuck, I can't even begin to describe how sketchy it all looked.

Strange men smoking cigars that were fondling woman who looked way too old to be in the clothes they were wearing. Clothes, in general, were scattered across the place. Cheap wine bottles, some broken, leaving stains in the crumb-filled crop circles of the carpet, on the floor. The aroma of, cheap as well, weed. Too many women moping around. They all seem to be waiting for something.

Zora grasps my shaky hand and calmly says, "Don't be fooled by appearances."

Gloria had shoved my belongings into an overstuffed, locked closet and then came up to me, offering a trip to heaven.

"Shower?" she proposed, brushing my cheeks with her short thumbs.

"Absolutely," I accept.

I am guided to the washroom by a stranger with my favourite body wash and a change of clothes. After I head inside, I lock the door and hop to it.

I twist the knob and I can only moan when the steamy water relaxes my tense muscles. I scrub every spot on my body clean and then, just sit down and reflect on what's going on. This place is creepy, yes. Very. I have no decision, though. I need a place to crash and if this is the best that will do, then so be it. Well, this _isn't _the best, but for now, I have no choice. I just need to find a job and get enough money to buy my own apartment. That's the plan.

My thoughts are then interrupted by Gloria, "Time's up, pumpkin!" followed by a few knocks on the door.

There's a time limit? Great.

After I dry my hair with the towel and clump my dirty clothes into a ball, I exit the washroom and find myself shoved against the wall as another girl about my age barges in.

"Watch it!" I flip. That's when I hear the girl gag, and in not too long, I can smell the wretched stench.

Ugh.

"That's one dollar when you have your next shower, babe," Gloria informs me.

"Wait, what?" I inquire. You have to pay to shower?

That's when a girl with an overbite and purple box-dyed hair approached me digging in my ball of clothes.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

She snatches my salmon coloured blouse and spits in my face, "This is perfect!" then walks away.

What the actual fuck?

"Uhm, Gloria, that chick just took my top!" I can't believe her casualness about it either!

"Oh, oh, oh, honey. Us girls, we borrow each other's things all the time. Just get used to it! You can borrow one of my dresses sometimes if you'd like!" Gloria states.

Ha. "That's okay," I grumble.

"A simple 'thanks' would be polite is all, or maybe she could have possibly asked first?" I go on, but Gloria isn't near me anymore to hear it.

Most of those men and women have disappeared but I find Zora braiding another girl's straw-like hair.

"Jenny! Come take a seat," Zora shouts across the room, tapping her fingers on the couch cushion to her right, my left.

It's not the most comfortable couch in the world but I manage, for I am still so tired.

"So, Zora," I wonder, "I am seeing lots of girls around here. Is this like a group home like, I don't know what to call it, type thing? Will I have a room?"

"Slow down, speed racer," Zora giggles, "Kind of, and I'd ask you to be my roommate but I'm already residing with this crazy bitch here."

I look down at the girl sitting on the floor, who glances at me as well, "Mandy Barnes!" she gleefully says.

"Jenna, or 'Jenny'," I use bunny ears for quotations.

Gloria must have been eavesdropping for she stepped in the conversation and let me know that there is no vacancy, she called it, left here so I had to sleep on the couch.

"Besides, if you get a room, you have to pay a little fee," Gloria tells me.

"Why didn't you mention all of this money stuff?" I turn to Zora, with a piercing look in my eyes. I wanted her to get the message.

Zora nervously turns her head away for a second, then looks back, upset, "I'm so sorry. I just wanted to be friends and I thought if I mentioned it, you wouldn't come or even talk to me." I catch Mandy sneering to herself.

Oh, and I feel bad. "It's okay."

"I'll look for a job, Gloria," I promise.

"Okay. Let me get you a class of water," she says.

The last time I went job hunting it was a bust. No one hired me. I suppose since I was in ninth grade. Still, not even that dude at The Dot did, and people say it's simple to get hired there.

"Your water!" Gloria shrieks.

"Sweet," I thank her.

"Done!" Zora squeals.

"Aaah! I love it, ZeZe. Thanks," Mandy bursts out with joy. Too much joy considering she is living in a dump like this. I don't know about this anymore.

"So, what's it take to get an orgasm around here?"

I choke on my first sip of my drink!

It's the purple-haired girl. She has a name tag on, apparently, reading 'Skye'. The tag is pinned into _my_ shirt.

"Go get Gloria to hook you up," Mandy responds.

"You should have seen the guy I had yesterday," Zora begins, "He was actually cute. I was so embarrassed of my job at first but he made me scream **so hard**."

What the hell...? Are they...? No... They can't...

"You slut," Mandy accuses Zora.

The three begin to laugh in a triangle as I am sitting here, wondering why I feel so perfect all of a sudden.

"Uh, you girls are sexually active?" I ask.

They laugh even harder, but Zora then fades out and tells them to knock it off.

"Well, Jenny, here's the stitch. We're BP's," Zora teaches me, "Meaning... baby prostitutes, how it goes around here."

I take a double– no, _triple_ check... "P-prostitutes?"

"It's not a lifestyle choice, Jenny," Mandy chimes in.

"I am doing it to pay for braces," the girl with the overbite exclaims.

"Look. We didn't choose to be one out of the blue, we had to find a place to live, we had nowhere to turn, and Gloria took us in. She expects a fair amount of commission and well, what we do is the only way to pay for everything. We have to buy our own food, clothes, etc." Zora lets me know.

"Everyone just steals your shit anyway, even people who don't live here!" Overbite says.

"Oh my God," I whisper.

"Yeah," Zora replies, seemingly ashamed.

"Those men are sick," I say, "Gloria... Isn't what she doing a bit twisted? Housing you guys and expecting green?"

"Don't be too judgy," a dark voice lectures me from behind.

I turn my head and see a lanky, dark haired boy wearing guy liner.

"Gabe's right," Overbite glared at me.

"Uh, Gabe," I say, "I'm new at this, so you should be the one who shouldn't judge."

"Wait," Zora pulls my hair gently, "New? You mean..."

I sigh and think about it in a rush before saying anything, "Well, I need money, and I'm not exactly too much of a stranger to sex, and I'm only staying here until I can find my own place, so..."

"Shit!" Mandy exclaimed.

"You're going to regret this, Jenny," Gabe warns me. He then walked to a room.

How'd he know my name?

"Zora, does he... Do it too?" I question her once again.

"Yeah. Honestly, he has it the worst. He told his dad that he was bisexual and got kicked out! Then he found us, and began to sell his body too. That's when he realized he was straight, just confused, but he couldn't stop. It was just easier for him if he let old men have him, and that's what he did. He needed the money. His dad never let him back home because he claimed Gabe was just pretending he was straight to be let back in his home. The men that pay for him, though. Some of them make Gabe to some fucked up shit. Dress up as a girl or let them spank him... He really does have it the worst," Zora told me his story.

That was really personal. I hope Gabe often lets people know about it so he doesn't freak about me knowing. Poor guy, though. He's not into guys at all, yet he has those men... God, this is disgusting. I don't want this anymore. I'll live on the streets. I don't care.

"I'm leaving!" I shout, "This isn't right for me."

"Don't be scared," Mandy says.

"Don't," Zora disagrees, "Let her choose what she wants."

"You aren't going to get any better money than this," Overbite lures me in.

She's so right...

Is this really what it has come to?

Is this me now?

No, I won't let what I do define me. This is a temporary thing. I just need the money.

I just need a home.


	8. Chapter 8 Jenna, Part 4

Chapter 8 – Jenna, Part IV

It's been a week, I suspect, and I have slept with three men so far.

The first guy made me sick to my stomach. I was frightened too. I wasn't sure if it had actually happened. I almost wanted to repress the memory and pretend I never did it, but it did. I'm a prostitute.

The second guy felt bad for me and said, "I'm highly certain you're not as old as you say you are, and I think you should quit turning tricks before you end up in an even worse place than you already are. Here's your money." When he left my room I had managed to grab in Gloria's after Overbite, I mean Skye, moved out, Mandy and Zora busted in and insisted on telling me how it was because the two thought he was attractive. Fuck, this place is disgusting.

The last man gave me about two hundred and I couldn't believe it, "Who do you think you are? Don't be selfish," I accused him.

He played dumb and replied with, "I swear I thought that is the usual price."

"Give me at least five hundred or scram you worthless scum," I cried out. He pushed me back onto the bed and ran out. Two hundred, it was.

I managed to use all that to pay Gloria's unwarranted price of stay. I haven't been attending school as of late. Too busy working at my job downtown as well as, uh, sleeping around. Now that I have my own room, I at least don't have randoms 'borrowing' my stuff. Alli, Clare, and Jake have been texting me but I don't respond. I don't know how I could possibly ever explain this to them. I suppose Alli's parents got their wish.

Tonight will be my fourth customer. I am getting so grossed out with myself and everyone in this condo to be honest. I'm scared of this crowd. I'm getting scared of myself. I can't believe that Jenna Middleton would do these kinds of things.

I haven't seen Gabe since our first encounter, so I question Zora.

Zora doesn't know herself. "I think he might be moving out," she states.

"What makes you think that?" I inquire.

"I heard he was going to move in with some dude and live off him by repaying in sexy times," Mandy butts in, jokingly.

"What? That's awful," I express, "I should find him and talk to him."

Zora holds me in my place, "It's none of your business, Jenna."

Wow, she didn't call me 'Jenny'.

"He's making a mistake," I try to convince them.

The two just shake their heads.

I ignore their ignorant attitudes and bust my ass to the nearest taxi. I ask him to drive to Gabe's favourite gay club, where he normally finds business.

In the car, I receive a phone call from an unknown number, and a panicked voice begins to speak, "Jenna? This is Jenna, right? Please."

"Yeah! This is her!" I respond, nervous.

"T-Thank God. It's Danny. I don't know if you remember me, b-but I'm Chantay's boyfriend. She told me she is leaving town! I am at college, and I can't get there!" he seems to be panting.

"What? Oh my God..." I knew something bad would happen. Is this my fault? No, she told me to not talk to her... Ugh, I shouldn't have listened!

"Look, just try to find her somewhere before she leaves! Her apartment, The Dot, train station, somewhere!" he hangs up.

Fuck.

"Change of plans! Head to 82 Charleston Street!"

I try calling Gabe and he picks up on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Gabe?" I ask.

"What do you want, Jenna?"

"What you're doing is a mistake. You can still live at Gloria's," I tell him.

"No," Gabe sobs, "It's too late. I'm at the club and I am just... I'm just finding him and we're leaving... I'm going to go now."

He hung up.

Fuck.

I don't know what to do first. Gabe or Chantay?

Chantay told me to leave her alone in the first place, and Gabe could be in more trouble...

"Never mind, stick to the original address!" I confirm with the driver. He makes an illegal u-turn but who am I to judge?

"The fancy boy club?" the buff man laughs.

He drops me off and I give him some cash, rolled up, so he doesn't realize I screwed him over. Fuck, I'm going to be short for this next week.

I make my way through the secret entrance Gabe showed me and I already see him by the bar with his face buried in his hands, with four tall men stand around him.

"Gabe?" I call out over the music.

He hears me and gets up but a man pushes him back into his seat.

"Let him go," I command but I am held against my will by two other large men.

"Young lady, go home. Gabe is fine on his own," the one sneered.

"Get a life," I shove them off, "Gabe, let's go."

"I don't know..." Gabe slurs, obviously drunk, high, something.

"Fuck, Gabe. You think what you are getting yourself into is better then where you were, you're unbelievable!" I had to be blunt about his stupidity to get him to listen. "What crass! Let's fucking go."

I manage to get his arm over my shoulder and the men scowl at us.

Gabe begins to laugh hysterically. Why is he so fucked up?

"What is wrong with you?" I cough out as we make it into the public sidewalk.

"I tried E," he openly says.

I smack him on the back of his head but he keeps laughing.

"I think it's uh, like, wearing off," he wearily replies.

"Yeah, you're going to crash and feel like shit," I lecture him.

He tells me to shush, and then he collapsed to the ground.

**One hour later**

We made it back to Gloria's where none of Gabe's things reside. The girls are upset with me even though I saved his _life_.

My first customer of the new week is at a crappy motel fifteen minutes or so outside of town but I'm willing. Gloria decided to drive me anyhow.

We reached it there and Gloria said she would come back in an hour. It's not usually that long for me but I suppose I can listen to my iPod outside of the motel while I wait afterwards.

The room number was number thirteen. I wanted to study the man while I was outside, to make sure this wasn't something too off. I tried to peer through the curtains but alas, no luck. I just caught my breath and knocked on the door. All I can think about right now is Gabe and Chantay, though.

He opens the door and moans, "Oh, crap!" He trudges into the washroom before I can get a good look at him. What the hell is going on? I follow him into the washroom and I can't even begin to process the position either.

It was Mr. Simpson.

"Aren't you...? Mr. Simpson..." I whisper.

He doesn't talk back.

"You're married! What the hell is this? What the hell?" I am freaking out!

He is breathing heavily and seated on the toilet, clearly as distressed about this situation as I am.

What am I doing? How am I still sleeping with people for money?

"I have to go. This isn't... Oh, God," I say.

"Jenna!" Mr. Simpson calls out, "Jesus!" I hear him pound his fist on the wall.

I can't do this anymore!

I pick up my cell phone and dial the number I've been anxious to call ever since I got kicked out of Alli's.

"Kyle," I begin to tear up, "I need help..."


	9. Chapter 9 Chantay, Part 2

Chapter 9 – Chantay, Part II

**Set an hour before Jenna received the call from Danny**

I can't sleep at night. I haven't slept. I'm not even aware of it sometimes. I just spend my time at work, on the internet, or watching television. I think I forgot how it feels to dream. I don't want to dream, or I'll dream about them.

I just need to get out of here. That's it. I'm leaving. SS Chantay will be setting sail in about an hour. I've already booked my train tickets.

I didn't want to call Danny, but it would have been awful of me to not let him know.

He picked up. "Hey! Long time, no talk! You finally called! How are you?"

"I'm going away," I let him know, "I'm not Chantay Black anymore. Chantay Black is dead. I'm leaving Toronto and I'll be someone new. I just want you to know I still love you, Danny, and you don't need to worry about me."

"What the? Chantay!" I cut him off.

I put a few outfits, all my cash, my newest issue of Cosmo, and the train ticket in my bag. Time to go.

I walk across town to the station and I begin to think long and hard about what I am doing. I'm leaving _everything_ behind but I just don't care. I just can't deal with this town anymore. Jenna had to have done something! She had to have come back and help! Jenna hasn't called! No one called or anything! I left Darcy a voice mail and she still continues to ignore me! Whatever! I'm gone. That's what they want, don't they?

**Two hours later**

I made it there. Took me a couple hours but I'm there.

Is that...? Fucking hell.

"Chantay, don't even think about stepping one damn foot on that train. You need to tell me what happened," Jenna demands.

"Really, do I? I don't remember you ever really being so interested afterwards in me. I waited for a call, Jenna! For a whole week! You really want to know what happened?"

"Yes," she responds.

"I waited for a _week_!" I repeat.

"Yes!" Jenna cries, "You told me not to talk to you! I _was_ worried! I thought you really meant it after I just... left you there... I didn't know what to do. I was drunk! I got kicked out of Alli's and wound up homeless!"

"You were worried? Hm. Could've fooled me," I reply.

"Stop it! I'm so sad right now," Jenna expresses, "Tell me what happened."

I was shaping the words with my lips but I couldn't get it out. I have been in pain for a while now and it was so close to being out of my mind...

"Chantay," Jenna says it again, "Tell me what happened after I ran."

"I was raped," I wheeze.

Jenna begins to break down and walk towards me, and I slam into her holding onto her as hard as possible. I was clinging to her as we cried together.

"I was raped," I sob out, fully acknowledging it.

"Oh, Chantay," Jenna soothes me.

After a few minutes of whispers and tears, Jenna mentioned in my ear, "Danny is worried."

"I know," I say.

"You are going to need to talk to someone," Jenna adds.

"Yeah."

She touches my hand and our fingers fill our hands' spaces between them equally. Jenna and I walk away and I grab the ticket out of my bag and rip it in half with my teeth.

"A lot has happened with me too," Jenna lets me know.

"I'm sorry," I say, "We'll talk."

"I'm sorry too," Jenna states.

I guess I just need to stop waiting for others to help me. I just need to ask for help.


	10. Chapter 10 Emma

Chapter 10 – Emma

I can't take all of this fighting. I already had to go through it all once. Why must I go through it again? Jack and Connor shouldn't have to either. It's all a mess.

Snake and Mom are screaming at each other upstairs every day. Connor and I usually spend the afternoons in his room playing cards. He doesn't understand why they are fighting, but I do. It's so obvious Snake is cheating again. If Mom hasn't found out now, she will soon. It's heart-breaking, but I'd rather them be a part and not be stressed then together and toying my emotions. I feel like they will patch things up and wham, they are arguing about something awfully pointless.

I think they just need something to bring together. I need some sort of a device to force them together as a unit. A unit of strength, because that really is what they are together. The question is, how?

I lay on Connor's bed and ponder at the thought of everything in the past of the two being married and that is when it hit me. When they realized something was wrong with me, and that I was out of control, that they had to be together to help me. To help me regain my health. That's all I need to do. Put on an act of unstable actions. If I'm not mistaken, my least proud moments were when I struggled with anorexia. I don't know if putting on a show will really leave a mark, though... I have to reach for the real deal... I have been fairly big lately... I look gross, sometimes. My flabby thighs and arms. It's disgusting. Fuck it. Just until I look good... I promise.

I decide to go out for a run and as I reach for my running shoes from the top of the closet when I got upstairs, I overhear the two unintentionally.

"Do you hear yourself? I am not paranoid! Snake, don't try to tell me I am being dramatic _or_ paranoid! I know. I know what you have been doing," Mom accuses him, "I think you should just get out. I don't care where you go. I'll drop your crap off outside."

"Be reasonable, Spike," Snake justifies his excuses.

"Be faithful, Snake," Spike mocks him.

This is so unbelievable.

"You guys need to just shut up for once! Have you paid attention to me? Have you looked at me lately? I feel like crap! Stop being so self-obsessed and think about your children for once! Jack and Connor are so sad! _I _can't even eat!" I say this all with self-produced tears dripping from my eyes.

"Emma," Snake says with concern, "What do you mean you can't eat?"

"Honey," Mom expresses

It's working. "I'm going for a run," I tell them, "Let's talk about me leaving for college again soon, 'kay?"

"At a time like this?" Mom shouts but I am already out the door.

I nailed it. They are going to talk about the possibility of my life spiralling downwards once again and an oh-so-painfully-obvious realization that they are being annoying as hell. Anyway, time for a run. I have to push myself if I want that ooey gooey moussaka to burn off.

It's Manny's favourite. God, I miss her.

* * *

I am home and this is when I see Snake's car gone. Spike threw him out.

I run immediately to the upstairs washroom and leave the door open. I can pick up my mom's footsteps in her room and I can tell they are directed to the hallway and soon, here. I reach my index finger down and push, push, push until I am gagging, waiting for it all to come up but suddenly, Mom's cold hands grasp me by my shoulder and pull my fist away from my face.

I act like I don't want her to know what I was doing. "I was just, uh, feeling up a sore tooth... Wow, it hurts."

Spike frowns at my explanation and pulls my body upwards. I tower over her but she hugs me and rests her face on my breast.

"Where did we go wrong again?" she worries.

"I'm sorry?" I ask her.

Mom begins to sob and I start to second guess my plan.

"I'm calling Snake. He's not going anywhere. He is coming back and helping me get you back on track... You were doing so well, honey..." Mom cries.

"Mom," I say, rubbing her back, "I'm fine."

"You're not," she disagrees.

After that incident, Mom sent me straight to bed. Before I went to kiss Jack good night, I wanted to say it to Connor too. Him and I have gotten really close.

I approach the basement door and knock. I hear him race up the stairs and he welcomes me.

"I'm going to go to bed, okay?" I tell Connor.

"Oh," he seems disappointed, "Why?"

"I'm just so tired... Why, are you upset?"

Connor smiles, "I just wanted to play another round."

"We can tomorrow. You rest up too." I say.

"Wait," he retorts before I leave. He pauses.

"Yeah?"

"Why aren't you eating?" he questions me.

"You heard me say that?" I ask.

Connor nods.

I brush it off and say, "It was nothing. Don't worry."

"You were already anorexic, you aren't supposed to be anorexic again!" Connor lectures me.

"Connor, please, I will always be anorexic no matter what," I explain.

"So, you aren't eating then! I knew it!" Connor slams his fist on the wall.

"No, Connor, you don't understand what I mean..." His anger is throwing me off guard.

"Liar," Connor mutters then he walks downstairs, flickering a lighter on and off.

God, his attitude can get so overwhelming. I don't even know how I set him off sometimes. He just doesn't understand some things... He doesn't cope well with stress...

This is getting lame now. I don't think this was a good idea. I kiss Jack as he rests in his little 'Cars' bed then I tiptoe to my bedroom but Mom startles me!

"Jeez, Mom," I groan.

"Sorry!" she apologizes, "Look, we are going to meet with your old therapist again."

"What? Why?" No!

"Emma, you obviously aren't fully healed... You may think you are okay, but you aren't," Mom tries to convince me.

"Actually, I told myself this was all a plan to get you and Dad back together when really, it's all in my head! This is me, Mom! I'm fat!"

Wait, what?

Did I just say...?

"So, what's your point? You need help? I know this," Mom says. She then rests my head on my pillow, stroking her fingers through my blonde hair. "And you're not fat," she adds.

I don't understand. I want to lose weight, yeah, but that wasn't me... I was just using it as a distraction for their fighting... I swear. I'm healed. I swear.

I swear it.


End file.
